it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
