Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
