I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
