also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
