Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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