Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
