Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think people are normalizing furries
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
