nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
