The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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