i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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