I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
