New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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