she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
