I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
