Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
