had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
