The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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