I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
