Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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