i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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