Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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