I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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