Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
