I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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