its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm bleeding and have questions
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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