I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
