dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
