I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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