Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
