where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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