she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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