My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
