I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
