if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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