I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
