Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
