I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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