Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
