Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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