hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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