I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
