I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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