i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
