So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
