His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
