I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
