My sheets look like a crime scene.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
