So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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