I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize