3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
