I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The power of my boobs compel you
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
