Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
