Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
